fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
