Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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