note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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