You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.