Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?