can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro