I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
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how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
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i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.