guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain