It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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