I feel like abortions should bother me more
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize