For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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