how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
