My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
