omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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