I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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