can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
