Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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