apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
