mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
