the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
