I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
