Umm I'm too high to move.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I checked into jail on foursquare
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
