ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
