I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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