went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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