Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
