Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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