we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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