I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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