Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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