Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
