Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
