I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
