So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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