There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
