Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
