i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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