How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
