we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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