Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wear drunk well.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
