You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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