i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize