you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
