bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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