Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
