The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
