smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
