Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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