Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
