So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
