I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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