nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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