i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
