He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
