I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
