We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
