Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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