sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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