Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
