obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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