a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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