all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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