If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
