He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
